鼓勵孩子的蒙方法 Encouraging kids in the Montessori way

"The child, in fact, once she/he/they feels sure of herself/himself/themselves, will no longer seek the approval of authority after every step." (Maria Montessori)

研究指出過份讚美孩子或用「浮誇式讚美」都會減低孩子的學習內在動機(intrinsic motivation)，也會讓孩子在得不到讚美或肯定時感到異常焦慮，以及變得害怕失敗。長遠來說，孩子會因為期待別人的讚美而做出大家喜歡見到的行為，成為「討好型」孩子( people-pleasers)。

除了用「你好叻」、「你好犀利」、「你好棒」、「你好聰明」、「你好乖」外，成人可以考慮更直接指出孩子做得妥善的地方，鼓勵他們的正面行為。就算不講話，溫和的眼神，微微往上的咀角，不浮誇、不作狀，用真誠而非教訓的態度，都能肯定孩子。

以下是一些簡單的例句，給大家作參考﹕

How to celebrate success/encourage kids without giving them "praises"? 

1. 謝謝你勇敢地分享給我聽你的（煩惱、焦慮、憂傷、脆弱、痛苦），謝謝你相信我。
Thank you for sharing with me your (vulnerabilities, sadness, anxiety, thoughts, pain). Thank you for trusting me.

2. 謝謝你分享你的(餅乾、玩具)，我很開心。
Thank you for sharing your (cookies, toys, books). I am so glad.

3. 我欣賞你的用心。
I appreciate your effort.

4. 我欣賞你注意到其他人需要幫忙。
I appreciate you notice someone else needs help.

5. 你沒有放棄，盡力了。
You did not give up. You have tried hard.

6. 你很專心做事情 (畫畫、讀書、玩玩具)。
You are very focused in (drawing, reading, playing).

7. 謝謝你貼心給(媽媽、爸爸、奶奶、爺爺) 休息的空間。
Thank you for being considerate when you give (mommy, daddy, grandpa, grandma) a break.

8. 你做到了!
You did it!

9. 謝謝你收好玩具/幫忙清潔。
Thank you for cleaning up.

10. 你注意到錯誤並修正過來。
You notice something goes wrong and make the correction.

11. 我相信你可以做得到。
I believe you can do it.

12. 你正很努力在學習。
You are trying really hard.

13. 我想知道你是怎樣做到的。
I would like to know you did it. Would you please tell me?

14. 你今天照顧好自己，我們多了時間一起玩。
You have taken care of yourself today. We have more time to play.

15. 你把東西都整理好了，媽媽不用再清潔，多了時間可以陪你一起玩。
You have cleaned up so Mommy does not need to spend more time tidying up. Mommy has more time to play with you now.

A little note for my daughter, Luna: 
I hope you are courageous enough to explore the world without feeling the pressure to ensure the happiness of everyone, because it is unrealistic to please everyone, and it is exhausting to be a people pleaser. Be kind. Be considerate. Be generous. Be yourself.